When you face the angry leader

by Marguerite Granat on June 12, 2010

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Have you ever been on the receiving end of an out of control angry leader? Do you react or do you respond to the tantrum?

Dealing with out of control anger is a challenging task and one that most of us have not been properly taught to deal with it.

When the leader is angry, the worst thing we can do is to fan that fire. When Napoleon was lashing out at one of his ministers, Talleyrand,  he tried every trick in the game to see if he could get a reaction out of him. He called him a traitor, he brought up the name of his wife’s lover in public, he threatened to hang him, and much more. Rather than make Napoleon angrier, Talleyrand kept himself cool.  Instead of reacting, he showed no sign of emotion. Eventually Napoleon walked away and left him alone.

By staying calm, Talleyrand was able to respond to the situation in the best way he could at that moment rather than making Napoleon more angry.

Staying calm in the middle of it is challenging. Here are a few tips that might help:

  1. Do not take anything personal. Sometimes you can be at the wrong place at the wrong time. The leader may be having a bad day and is unfairly dumping on you. Even if it’s something that you did, the best approach is to detach from the situation by not taking anything personal. When we don’t take something personal, we’re better equiped to stay calm. It’s less likely that we’ll also get angry when we take this perspective allowing us to respond rather than react.
  2. Focus on your breath. Being aware of your breath helps to keep your emotions in check so that the situation does not consume you. The breath calms, lowers our blood pressure and keeps our mind out of trouble.
  3. Be an observer. When we observe the situation from a third person perspective, as if we were watching the whole thing on a movie screen, it helps us take a step back.

There are a number of ways to respond to anger and staying calm give us the freedom to take the right action.

What has helped you stay calm when facing an angry leader?

Photo credits,  Rodrigo Suriani

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    Tagged as: Anger, Queen Elizabeth I, Talleyrand

    • http://twitoaster.com/country-us/mgrecruiter/ MGRecruiter

      [New Post] When you face the angry leader – via #twitoaster http://www.peakhistory.com/2010/06/12/wh...

    • http://www.theresumechick.com Karen

      Can’t agree more. Sometimes it is better to stand there and let it pass. Who knows what kind of trouble than can escalate to if you attempt to retaliate or defend your case? When your angry leader is done with his/her tirade, just take a step back and reflect on what happened. If you start taking things personally, it will ultimately affect your performance and your relationship. Don’t let the negativity fester, though…when your boss has cooled down, talk to him/her about what happened and try to get past it together.

      Karen, The Resume Chick (on Google or Twitter for questions, comments or violent reactions)

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    • http://www.vocii.com Charee Klimek

      Great post and advice Marguerite.

      These are difficult times for employees, managers and leadership – all of whom could benefit from this advice in times of anger and/or crisis. There’s also the issue of dealing with verbally abusive bosses that can be damaging to individual employees and entire company cultures. Perhaps a whole other blog post entirely but learning the art of verbal self-defense can improve one’s ability to deal with people in very negative situations.

      ~Charee

    • http://ericweaver.com Eric Weaver

      I once had a director several levels above me who was concerned because his VP had started giving me work to do — and it was to fix problems that had been the director’s responsibility.

      The director started calling me into his office, with a terse “shut the door!” Then he’d launch into a scathing, bellowing attack about a litany of things he’d thought I’d done wrong.

      I was 26 years old at the time and this took me by surprise. After I got over the initial shock, I calmly explained why I had made the decisions I’d made, along with an apology for not having heard about his issues through my own boss, his underling. The director would then mutter something, then tell me to leave.

      He did this five days in a row and on the last day, as I was leaving he yelled, “I’ll get you next time, Weaver!”

      It was several years later that I realized he wanted to browbeat me into quitting because he couldn’t fire me without having to explain to the VP. By keeping my composure and detaching my emotions, I was able to sidestep each bullet…in my case, I think that just made him more angry anyway, but whatever. He got fired shortly thereafter, and I’ve far surpassed his accomplishments.

      Karma is a bigger bitch than any corporate politician! More people need to realize this.

      @Weave

    • http://twitter.com/MeghanMBiro Meghan M. Biro

      Enjoyed this post! Taking a moment to think after you feel is very important in this challenging scenario. Love the historical references here. As always, a fun + relevant read.

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    • Marguerite Granat

      @Karen I like your comment around not letting negativity fester. Agree that it’s important to file things away and move forward.
      @ChareeKlimek yes, verbal self defense is key to dealing with abusive people. Would love to learn more about this art. Any suggestions about where to learn more about that skill?
      @Eric Weaver what a great story! You were so wise to keep your cool under those circumnstances. It must feel good to see the instant Karma. Would love to hear any tips on how you detached from your emotions….
      @MeghanMBiro really like your suggestion on thinking after you’re done feeling. That makes a lot of sense.

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    • http://intrepid-llc.com Todd Schnick

      It takes a strong and confident person to not take things like this personally. It is a skill I want to develop, and hope to achieve. It isn’t easy…

      Thanks for sharing this post…

      • Marguerite Granat

        I agree Todd, its tough to deal with things that are out of your control and stay calm because it feels like an attack on us personally. When we are able to detach and not let our emotions take over it is much easier to be flexible and keep our composure. Would love to hear any tips you might have or anything you’ve learned that helps in these tough situations. Thanks for your great insights! Marguerite

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